Why do parents enable? Help!!!

Posted by: drbutkins in parenting a teen drug addictparenting a teen alcoholicfamily recoverydrugsdrug abusedenialalcoholism disease on Print PDF

I do not have a child who uses drugs or alcohol.  I do not know why parents enable children who use.

I think it because of lack of information, accurate information, about chemical depoendence.  I also believe that parents enbable because of fear of the substance and the disease.  Many think that it will 'go away' if they ignore it.  Moreover, many parents think that, if they focus on this too much, it will get worse because the child will use more due to a rebellious nature.  Or is it because of guilt.  Are the parents using or is some other adult  in the house using?  Or are the parents not in charge of the house anymore?  Are the kids holding the parents hostage?  Do the parents fear their children's rejection?  Do the parents feel bad, guilty, about the divorce or the fighting, or the lack of money.  Whatever the reason or excuse, parent strongly.  Find out your reason for not setting boundaries or enforcing rules.  Join with your partner or former partner and parent as a team.  What child can overpower two adults?  Go to war and win.  But learn the tools of warfare.   Find out what others have done.  It is not that difficult.  Ignoring the problem or avoiding it because your spouse is drinking is not the solution.  It is the problem.  Go where others are that have arrested this problem.  Go to Alanon and meet others who have the solution.  Find a meeting that suits you and become a member.  You'll thank me down the road.  Hang in there.  We love you.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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