Parent Trap

Posted by: drbutkins in parenting a teen drug addictinterventiondrug addiction recoveryalcohol on Print PDF

The real Parent Trap involves scapegoating.  This is making one of the children or family members or soemone else such a target that the real problem is disguised.  For example, in an addictive family, there is usually a volunteer scapegoat, a child or member who uses, steals, talks back, fails in some way or causes attention frequently via negative behavior.  This child does not want to see a divorce occur and will sacrifice him or herself in order to preserve the family.  Much of this activity/dynamic is subconscious.  However, the child is being abused by this sacrifice because he or she will grow to continue to believe that he or she is a problem, a misfit, a black sheep...  The parents can stop this by being honest.  This means dealing with their tempers, their rage, their fears, their guilt, their pain...

If you want proof of this, stop making the child the scapegoat.  Have him or her live with a relative and treat him or her like a normal child who is on vacation.  If this dynamic is real, the child will act out at the relative's home (let the relative tell you this) or you will find a new scapegoat.  Then you can see this and perhaps start talking about your pain and heal.  Then the family heals.  This prevents 'relief' drinking and drugging.

Let's stop this in this generation.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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